Swami and Da Bears’ Super Fans preview Super Bowl
Announcer: Live from Ditka’s Restaurant in Chicago, Illinois, it’s time for the Super Fans! Now here is your host, Bill Swerski.
Bill: Hello and welcome to anuder edition of Bill Swerski’s Souper faans. Wit me as always are da Souper Fans, my brudder Todd...
Todd: Hello dere Bill.
Bill: Pat Arnold...
Pat: Hey dere.
Bill: and Carl Wollarski
Carl: [burps] How ya doin dere Bill?
Bill: Alright, we're coming to you as always live from Dit-ka's, in da heart of Chicago. Da city dat is home to da blues, baby back ribs, Ferris Bueller, and of course, to a certain football team, dat has once again regained status as the best football team in da world. Dat team, which is known da world over, as.. da Bears! Superfans: Da Bears!!
Bill: Okay. Okay, by my watch, we're about three days from game time in da Supa Bowl, which as you all know, is where da Bears will be entertaining da Indianapolis Colts. Now, let’s go around da room for some predictions. Pat?
Pat: Da Bears, 92 to 3.
Bill: Okay. Todd.
Todd: Bears. 179 to zip.
Bill: Really Todd? You don't think dat da Colts and Peyton Manning will score?
Todd: No way dere Bill, da Bears defense is gonna be like trying to play chicken with a tricycle against a mack truck. Da Colts are just gonna get leveled.
Bill: Alright. How about you, Carl?
Carl: I say Bears, 72 to 10.
Pat: Oh, what? Come on! You gotta be kiddin me?
Carl: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I gotta give da Colts credit - I think dey'll give da Bears a tough game!
Bill: Alright Pat, let it go, he obivously has gone through some kind of mental breakdown. As for my prediction.. well let’s just say a certain team, from a certain windy city will be hoisting a certain trophy into da air to celebrate victory at the close of Sunday’s game. Dat team will undoubedtly be, da Bears!
Superfans: Da Bears!!
Bill: 224 to 3! I mean, come on. Let’s take da forest for instance. How would a lowly little colt fare against a ferocious bear?.
Todd: Aw, dat colt would get anhilated by da bear. It wouldn’t even be close.
Bill: Dats right Todd. It would be like da National Geographic specials where dey show vicious lions ravaging little sheep and what not. Basically dat is what is going to happen to da Colts. Animal Planet ravaging. Carl: Absolutely!
Bill: Which would you rather see? A Discovery Channel special where they show da bears ravaging dere prey? Or a horse rodeo? Pat: I don’t like cowboys, give me da bears. Bill: Carl?
Carl: Rodeos got clowns and clowns scare me. I am going wit da ravage.
Bill: Todd?
Todd: Do dey got sausages at da rodeo?
Bill: No I am afraid dey don’t Todd.
Todd: Da Bears!
Superfans: Da Bears!!
Bill: Alright, alright! Now, let me shift focus here for a moment gentlemen. I would like to introduce our special guest. All da way from da bayous of New Orleans, dat town dat produced da Saints, who stunk up Soldier Field in da NFC Championship game, please welcome da Son of Swami, Loyd Van Horn.
Loyd: Thanks guys for having me on your show, I am a big fan of yours. I just want to begin by saying congratulations on getting to the Super Bowl.
Pat: Dats awful nice of ya Swami, but we all know dat two weeks ago you weren’t singing da same tune.
Loyd: That’s why I am here, I wanted to bury the hatchet and support the Bears against the Colts.
Bill: So Swami, what is your prediction for Sunday?
Loyd: I think the Bears will win the game, 31-24.
Pat: Oh lord! I tink I am having a heart attack!
Bill: I thought you wanted to bury da hatchet?
Loyd: I do! I mean come on guys, let’s be realistic about your predictions. They are a little out of whack.
Todd: [angrily] You’re out of whack dere Swami.
Bill: Hold on, hold on, gentlemen, let’s change gears for a minute. I am curious, what do you think God's role is in da Bears making it to da Supa Bowl? Obviously, he's rooting for da Bears.
Pat: Odderwise, he wouldn't have put 'em in Chicago.
Carl: Dat's right.
Bill: Carl, God versus Coach Ditka, who would win in a game of football?
Carl: That's a tough one. Pat: Is he still an omnipotent God? Or is he a human God?
Bill: Omnipotent.
Pat: Ditka a hundred and two, omnipotent God forty tree.
Bill: Ok, another hypothetical. Let’s say da Bears shrunk to four inches high. Who wins da Supa Bowl?
Carl: Mini Bears 15, da Colts 12.
Pat: Finally, a close game.
Todd: What about Lovie Smith? Would he be mini, too?
Bill: No, he would be regular size.
Todd: Oh, then, uh.. Mini Bears 45, Colts 10.
Carl: Oh, hold on. Then I change mine, too. I thought it was a Mini Lovie.
Bill: Swami, what do you think? Mini Bears with a regular Coach Lovie, versus da Colts. Who would win?
Loyd: The Bears are four inches high?
Bill: Dats right.
Loyd: I would have to say Colts 450, Bears 0.
Bill: Are you on drugs? Well you can just take your crack pipe and go home! Get outta here, Swami!
Loyd: [eyeing a plate of Bratwurst and some beer] Wait, would Ditka be at the game?
Bill: Of course.
Loyd: Oh, well then, da Bears 25, Colts 3.
Todd: Good man, here have some bratwurst.
Loyd: Wow, I am starting to feel all funny. Like something is....changing...in me. Could you pass da ketchup?
Bill: Well, friends dat is all da time we have today here on Souper Faans. I just want to tank da Son of Swami for stopping by.
Loyd: It was my pleasure. I just hope dat da Colts know about da severe beating dey are about to receive.
Pat: Dat’s right dere Swami.
Loyd: Daaaaa Bears!
Superfans: Daaaaa Bears!
[They cling their beer mugs together in celebration. The outro music begins playing].
Loyd: Hey guys, Ditka versus Arnold Schwarzenegger, who would win?
Todd: Govenor Schwarzenegger or Terminator era Schwarzenegger?
Loyd: Terminator.
Superfans: Dit-ka!
